Last Friday I co-facilitated my first restorative conference. It was extremely interesting, and very, very draining. It is quite a different experience to watching one.

My boss was with me, and I will start out by saying she thought I did a good job for a first go.
And now for the list of things I would like to have done differently:
- I wish I had summarised more. I kinda forgot at the start cos I was so focused on getting the beginning spiel right. And by the time I realised two people had spoken already and I hadn’t summarised it was kinda too late to to start, cos that would have looked like I was being biased. I had to summarise at different points for my own clarity, but I needed to do way more than I actually did. Im not to worried about that, that will come with time.
- I wish I had a better idea of how to steer. I knew there were directions I wanted/we needed to go in and yet I wasnt confident about steering around to them. I didnt know what gaps in the information needed to be explored and which could be safely left alone. I need better judgement and skill here.
- I could see that, at times, certain people were being focused on and kind of accused. I can understand that some participants perhaps didnt feel that one particular participant wasnt taking enough responsibility for what had happened. At the same time, all their words did was inspire defensiveness, and not the accountability that was hoped for. On the one hand I can see that you cant change a fundamental attitude of victimhood in one conference, and yet surely I could have encouraged more accountability?
- Which brings me to the issue of preparation. If I had prepared that person better, could they have accepted more accountability? And some participants said exactly the right thing in the prep but then glossed over some really important stuff in the conference. I could have coached the important aspects of their perspective better.
- I wish I had a better feel for following the threads up while they were there. When there is important stuff going on, I need to chase it up and go back to the process when it is finished. I need to know when to do that, and have the confidence to do it as well.
- In the conversation around outcomes one person got a surprise request and had to agree to save face. I could have followed that request up with some supports to make sure it sticks better in the future. That could even have been done afterwards during coffee break.
- I lost it at the end. I lost the plot entirely and lost the script as well. I need to prepare the ending spiel AS WELL AS the beginning spiel! And as my knowledge of what is possible in school contexts grows I will have a better idea of how to reframe vague descriptions of processes into more concrete processes that already exist. Yet another thing that will come in time.
- I had moments of indecision where I clearly wasnt sure whether I had enough to move on or I needed to stick around and ask a couple more questions. Everyone was very patient with me. Again, in time…

Sorry if this is a bit obscure, but i need to be able to write it down so I can remember it.

So I guess thats one small step for peacemaking, but one giant step for me!

• martine (hunched over a keyboard with a glass of wine and v) said on 08/05/26 at 09:17 PM.....

  you go, you good thing! proud of you, I am.

• T (Tokyo) said on 08/05/27 at 12:55 PM.....

  Go you!!

• MJD-S (between awake and asleep) said on 08/05/29 at 11:56 AM.....

  Well everyone has a first time. It sounds though you were able to pin point exactly where you need to improve - and that is a rare ability in itself.

  I’m sure you’ll do even better next time honey.

• arumanda said on 08/05/31 at 12:06 PM.....

  well done and a big otsukaresama. i didn’t really understand what you were talking about, but it sounds fascinating and i’m sure you did much better than you give yourself credit for. 

  otsukare otsukare