I clench my teeth. All the time. Im trying to stop now because after probably years of doing this, its starting to cause jaw problems and headaches. But I cant stop, because I don’t realise Im doing it. I have to catch myself and then relax my jaw, let it drop, let the muscles around my temple go.

Im trying to figure out why I do this, and all I can think of is this one time standing on the subway, someone’s upwardly mobile elbow caught my chin and clattered my teeth together, rattling my brain. I remember thinking it was careless of me to have left my jaw open, surely it was safer closed? I don’t know how it became a habit. I remember the increasing regularity of painful episodes last year, but I cant pinpoint when the painful episodes merged into a constant ache.

In any case, why is not as important as undoing it, and I’m fixing it now. When the dentist told me that my teeth werent supposed to be touching except for when I eat, I was quite surprised. Who knew?!?

Im learning that my body is stronger than I think it is. That even my casual, half-forgotten intentions can become reality, and that I might not even notice until it is too late. And that I can endure quite a lot of pain before finally dragging myself to a health professional.