I clench my teeth. All the time. Im trying to stop now because after probably years of doing this, its starting to cause jaw problems and headaches. But I cant stop, because I don’t realise Im doing it. I have to catch myself and then relax my jaw, let it drop, let the muscles around my temple go.

Im trying to figure out why I do this, and all I can think of is this one time standing on the subway, someone’s upwardly mobile elbow caught my chin and clattered my teeth together, rattling my brain. I remember thinking it was careless of me to have left my jaw open, surely it was safer closed? I don’t know how it became a habit. I remember the increasing regularity of painful episodes last year, but I cant pinpoint when the painful episodes merged into a constant ache.

In any case, why is not as important as undoing it, and I’m fixing it now. When the dentist told me that my teeth werent supposed to be touching except for when I eat, I was quite surprised. Who knew?!?

Im learning that my body is stronger than I think it is. That even my casual, half-forgotten intentions can become reality, and that I might not even notice until it is too late. And that I can endure quite a lot of pain before finally dragging myself to a health professional.

I have had an interesting couple of work weeks with two very difficult volunteers at one of our shops. They are husband and wife, and they both think I am the worst person on the planet. Well, at least the last couple of weeks it has been me. I’m sure it changes with frightening regularity.

We have had a few work-related phone calls, some of them have gone better than others, and there has been a frightening regularity in the faxes, all in capital letters, containing very specific orders for me and my organisation. These orders are frequently ignored by my manager who hopes that these volunteers will get bored and go away. Apparently I am a bossy, uppity secretary with no common-sense who is in league with the lazy woman who is the other coordinator, protecting her from getting fired and encouraging her to be lazy so that the shop can go further downhill as it fills up with more and more rubbish furniture instead of the clothes we should be selling. My manager and I were surprised to discover that I, and not my manger, was behind all the ‘ridiculous’ decisions that have ever been made, that I have been hiding those weekly shouty faxes my manager received. Even when my manager spoke to both the husband and the wife in person and told them that none of those decisions had been made by me, that they were all directives from the manager, even then they did not believe him.

I was pretty pissed off at first, but it has become clear whilst attempting to disengage ourselves from these two that they will believe and say anything that suits their purposes, and instead I have become kind of amused by watching these delusions lurch along entirely under their own steam. Their view of me, my manager, of the shop, of our organisation is so foreign to me and so removed from reality its hard to see how they got to that point. Actually; “women are stupid” and “big organisations are always out to exploit their workers” and “head office doesn’t know what they are doing” and “everything I think is true and right” and “I should be in charge” would get you a fair part of the way to that point.

I’m hoping that one of two things happens - that they are either so desperate to keep the drama going that they get bored by our lack of response and turn their attention to other matters (hopefully not other people, but the chances are slim) in order to maintain that rush; or that they are satiated and will go away now and rest for a while. In either case, I feel sorry for the charity they have already moved on to. Always ask for references.

It’s the Womad weekend again! This year, instead of 2 days and one evening of world music we have an extra day on the holiday Monday! And I was planning to use Monday to recover, do clothes washing and other such mundane, simple things that can be carried out in a slow fashion! Instead I will be dancing yet again, and the washing will have to wait until the following weekend.

I was dancing last night, and realised it had been a ear since I was last out dancing, not since last years Womad in fact! I whole year between dances - thats a bit of a scary thought. But at the same time, there has been a whole lot of hooping going on in that year, so maybe i have made up for it. It felt funny dancing without a hoop last night - I really missed the hoop and have been thinking about bringing it with me…. But that means it would be awkward when we want to be in the throng up close to the stage, or when it rains and everyone crowds in together… I am thinking I might not worry about the camera due to the rain as well. Hmmm, what to pack this morning….

The Byron Bay Donut Company is back again this year, oooh, watch out hips! The food selection is truly amazing, they have a whole variety of very creative, ethnically varied food and good size serves too. Its going to be a great weekend, despite the rain.